Flying faster than an ordinary person, Abe navigated the friendly skies relatively free of hassle. There was a small incident with a plane full of snake creatures, but that was dealt with quickly and mostly painlessly. There’s a small jungle in Peru that you probably want to stay away from, as it’s now populated by angry, plane-less snake creatures, but it’s unlikely you’re going to find it anyway.
From the frost that was forming on his all-American beard, Lincoln surmised that he had reached Antarctica. Carefully rolling up his sleeve, making sure that the face of the Commissioner wasn’t going to peek out at him, he checked the co-ordinates of these phantom menaces.
A sudden squawk of scaredyness emanated from across the icy plains, and Abe realised he wouldn’t be needing those coordinates after all. Following the terrified bird noises, he levitated his way into the middle of a herd of penguins. That may not be the real collective name for penguins. That’s your homework for today. Go find out what it is, and then pat yourselves for learning some trivial knowledge today.
“What’s the matter, my penguin pals?” Lincoln asked, lowering himself to the ice below.
“Awk awk awwwk!” said a penguin, which made Abe instantly realise his folly.
“I’m sorry, my not-so-feathered friends, I’m afraid I don’t speak your unique tongue. Is there any way you can translate for me?”
“You won’t need translations when we’re done with you,” came a spooky voice. “Because we’re going to scare you out of your wits, and then you won’t be smart enough to appreciate the translation.”
“I think you oversold it, Gary,” said another, not-quite-as-spooky voice.
“Shut up, Doug!” said the spookier voice angrily. “And don’t call me Gary when we’re performing. Now prepare yourself, mortal, for a sight most chilling!”
“I don’t think I need things to be further chilled, thank you,” said Abe, looking around for the source of these voices. “Now show yourselves if you dare, you cowardly custards!”
“Hey man, we’re not custards! I mean, woooooo! Get ready for the eeriest sight anyone has ever seen. Prepare to gaze upon…the pole-tergeists!”
“Do you get it?” said the second, not-really-spooky-at-all voice. “Pole-tergeists. Like poltergeists, but with pole in it, ‘cos we’re at the South Pole.”
“Yes, regrettably I do get it,” Lincoln sighed.
“Oh, it’s just, you didn’t laugh, so I thought maybe you needed it explaining.”
“Yes, thank you, I’m not a total idiot. Are you two going to show yourselves or not?”
“Very well,” said the rather spooky voice. “Gaze upon the otherworldly horror that is…the Pole-tergeists!”
“Still not funny.”
“Hey, shut up! Ok, here we go!”
Man, I hope this is leading somewhere. I’m going to go get a sandwich. I encourage you to do the same.
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