“You’re persistent, thing from Erf,” Serperior nodded, his deadly beams continuing to track Lincoln down. “I’ll give you that, you’re persistent. But we both know there’s only one way this can end.”
“If it’s with my foot in your face, then we agree,” said Abe, desperately trying to stay one step ahead of the space snake’s attack.
“Oh, so full of confidence, so ready with the quips. We’ll see who’s laughing when you end up cold and numb, floating forever in the endless eternity of-“
But Serperior’s comments were cut off by a generous portion of foot to the face. Yes, Lincoln had counted on the serpent getting so caught up in releasing eye beams, that he wouldn’t actually be able to see him getting ever closer to his face between each one. With the snake off guard, Abe lashed out a torrent of blows and kicks on his adversary. And not a torrent like the thing you might download from the internet. Something much more deadly.
Eventuall Serperior managed to regain composure. “I suppose you think you’re clever,” he retorted. “Well, it may surprise you to learn that I’ve been holding back all this time.”
“You’re right, that does surprise me,” Abe admitted. “You mean you’re not really a pathetic garden snake with light up eyes after all?”
“Scoff all you like, but we’ll see who’s scoffing when you face my full power! And it will be me! Scoffing you up!”
Serperior sent out another beam from his eyes, but this one was much different. It was thicker, meaner and much more difficult to evade. Lincoln couldn’t stop himself from being hit full blast by the insidious beam.
“You might as well give up now, tiny morsel!” Serperior cackled. “I’ve never met a foe yet who can survive a full onslaught from my Rays of Justice.”
“Well I’ve never met a foe who can stand up to my fists of justice!” Lincoln replied, summoning all of his Lincoln powers into his fist. He socked away at the ray, forcing his way closer towards his foe, ready to finish him off once and for all. It was only when he was inches away from delivering the greatest blow in his career, that it dawned on him what Serperior had said. From the look on his face, and the fact that he’d stopped with the eye rays, it seemed Serperior had realised it too.
“Wait, did you say—“
“Rays”/”Fists”
“Of Justice?” they said together.
The two opponents looked at each other for a long time, until Serperior covered his head with his tail.
“Oh my Zarblox,” he muttered. “This is so embarrassing.”
“You mean to say that you too fight on the side of right?” Lincoln asked.
“Yes indeed. I’m known as the greatest hero of my sector of the galaxy. And you?”
“I’m the defender of my planet,” said Abe. “And it appears I’ve made a grievous mistake.”
“Oh no, all my fault I assure you,” Serperior held out his tail in friendship. “I am so sorry about this. It’s just, I’ve been trapped in a rock for so long, and I have all these unresolved anger issues, and you were making all these demands…rightfully so, I hasten to add.”
“No no, I was wrong to be so argumentative. I shouldn’t have let my ego get the better of me. But tell me sir, how did you come to be trapped in that rock in the first place?”
And so Serperior told Lincoln of how, many space miles from here, he had been engaged in a fight with the terrible Tyrazix Twins, those well known hooligans of space. After a long and arduous battle, he’d been ambushed by his arch-enemy Snakosis, who had taken advantage of his weary state to trap him inside a prison of space debris, which had been launched out of a giant cannon towards the outer reaches of space. It was quite a good story that loses a lot in the retelling, but rest assured, if you had been there to hear it, you would have been impressed.
“And it seems I have you to thank for releasing me. What’s your name, brave fighter from Erf?”
“My name is Abraham Lincoln, Mr. Serperior, and if you would indulge me, I’d like to make up for this little transgression by buying you a drink.”
“Ah, if I only had time,” Serperior smiled. “But I have already dallied too long in this unfortunate squabble. I must make my way back to my people as fast as possible, and make sure that Snakosis has not done too much damage. Perhaps another time, my worthy opponent.”
“Count on it, friend. And if you need any help against this Snakosis fellow, you know where to find me.”
Thank you, Abraham Lincoln. I would be honoured. And now, I must bid you farewell.”
With one last wave of his tail, Serperior shot like a rocket back to his home planet. Lincoln have him a salute before setting off back to Earth.
“Come in Lincoln, come in Lincoln,” said the voice of the Commissioner as Abe tore through the atmosphere. “What happened up there? Did you stop the meteor?”
“Oh yes indeed, old chum,” said Lincoln. “And I may have just made me a new friend while I was at it.”
“Aww, that’s really nice. I’m glad to hear it. Oh, uh, Lincoln? Would you mind holding the watch away from your chest? The view’s kinda…uncomfortable.”
“Ah yes, that reminds me Commissioner,” said Abe with a frown. “I think you and I need to have a talk about the proper dress code for combat.”
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