Lincoln had spared no expense when building the log cabin. Sporting a fully solar powered heating and electricity system, this environmentally friendly (except, you know, for all those trees that were cut down to make it) habitat was full of the latest modern conveniences he had been reading up on, such as washing machines, power showers and a plasma screen TV. He hadn’t even known plasma could be used in TVs! The future was incredible.
“Alright boys, I’m going to go test out the recliner chairs,” said Abe. “You give me a few minutes to relax, then give me the biggest scare of your life! OK?”
“No man,” said Gary. “Shouldn’t we give the biggest scare of your life? I mean, you’re the one that has to be scared.”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s no good us getting scared,” Doug agreed. “We’re the ones that have to do the scaring.”
Lincoln sighed. “Fine, whatever. Just give me a few minutes and then scare the living daylights out of me, alright?”
“Ok, Mr. Bearded Dude!” said the Terror Twins. Probably not at the same time. That would require a lot of coordination.
Lincoln inspected the inside of the cabin, which more than lived up to his expectations. He’d gone for a one room affair, just like in his youth, but the large amount of space allowed him to set up everything in its own little place. Living area, kitchen area, sleeping area…all the domestic areas were covered.
He sat down on the rich, Corinthian leather recliner he’d picked up at an antique sale on the way back to Antarctica. It felt pretty nice, though perhaps was a bit much. After all, while he’d made a lot of effort to ensure that the boys’ scare attempt would be as authentic as possible, it wasn’t as if the house had any practical value beyond that. Not many people wanted a house in the middle of Antarctica.
Lost in his thoughts as Lincoln was, he at first didn’t notice the ectoplasmic goo appearing on the wall in front of him. Once the terrible smell of brimstone reached his nostrils though, he realised the boys were ready to scare him. Nonchalantly he whistled to himself, trying to act as if he hadn’t seen anything.
“Wooooooo!” came Gary’s spooky voice, echoing throughout the cabin.
“Woooooo!” came Doug’s voice, which had improved significantly since his earlier attempts.
“Oh dear, what could that be?” asked Abe innocently. “Could those ghostly moanings give me any cause for alarm?”
“You bet they could!”
“In fact they should!”
“For terror, you see…”
“Is now upon thee!”
“Get ready to run.”
“Get ready to fear.”
“Because your doom—“
“Is finally here!”
Abe nodded in appreciation of their rhyming skills. It was too bad these boys were so hell-bent on being spooky ghosts. They would have done quite well on the poetry circuit.
“Oh no, what’s a-happening? Who are you vile demons who plague me so?” he said in a voice that he hoped sounded terrified.
“I am…Spectre Overlord!”
“And I am…the Grim Darkness.”
“The ghastly sensations, sweeping the nations!”
“Known and feared by mortal men as…”
THE TERROR TWINS!
Now that was a nice touch. The log fire had even been blown out by the ghostly emanations.
“Oh dear, not the Terror Twins!” he gasped. “Oh my stars! I am on the edge of sanity! I certainly hope they don’t do one big scare to frighten me out my wits.”
There was nothing for a while, and then…
“BOOOO!”
Doug and Gary appeared in front of Lincoln, waving their hands around, looking about as scary as a fish in a cat factory. Abe could hardly believe it. All that build up for this? This act of jellyfish-like wiggling? But enough was enough. He wasn’t willing to give them a second attempt.
“Egad! Oh, what a horrible shock! My wits have left me! My heart is pounding! Oh, I am so scared I think I shall go into a coma! Farewell!”
And with that fine bit of acting, he pretended to lose consciousness.
“We did it! We did it!” Doug clapped.
“We really did!” Gary shouted in triumph. “This is the start of a whole new chapter for the Terror Twins!”
“Bye beard dude!” Dig waved respectfully. “We have to go get our great reward now.”
“Yeah, sorry we scared you so badly,” Gary nodded. “But hey, you are on righteous dude.”
A bright light surrounded the creepy kids as, with one last high five, they went on to receive their reward.
When he was quite sure the coast was clear, Lincoln opened his eyes and took a look around the new ghost-free domicile. Well, Antarctica was once again safe from spectres, and all the penguins could relax and eat fish in peace. Now all that was left to do was tear down this unnecessary house.
And yet…as Lincoln saw the fruits of his labours, and compared it to the broom cupboard he had waiting for him at WIPE headquarters, he came to a conclusion that many of us have already realised—sleeping in a broom cupboard is a terrible idea!
He quickly pressed a button on his signal watch. “Come in, Commissioner. Come in, Commissioner.”
“Reading you loud and clear, Lincoln,” came the baritone voice of the Commissioner. “How’s that mission coming along?”
“Mission complete, old chum. The penguins can sleep safe once more. Oh, and I have more good news. I think I may have found a new place to live.”
And now my friends, you know the origin of the Log Cabin of Solitude. So let no one say you didn’t accomplish something spectacular today.
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