Before we begin, I would like to apologise for my previous comments wherein I said there was only one way to find out. This was a slight hyperbole, or 'lie', on my part. There were in fact several ways to find out other than wait for the conclusion to play out. One could have left a comment asking what happened, wherein you would have been told what the inevitable conclusion would be. Similarly, one could have sent an electronic mail message and received similar results.
These are just two extra ways, and the list goes on and on. You might have set up a simulation on a virtual reality environment, playing out all possible scenarios until you reached a general consensus on the outcome. Had you the means to do so, you could have hired actors to portray Lincoln and the fish goons, setting up the events in a studio (or on location) and seeing how things played out. Expensive, but no doubt worth it if you were that inclined to learn what happened.
For those of you more psychically inclined, you could have determined the result through predetermination. Perhaps the stars themselves could have told you astrologists what was going to happen. Quite possibly, quite very possibly, you could have opened up a fish or wild boar (they are remarkably similar as a species) and used its entrails to see into the future. This is pretty weird and slightly disgusting though, so don't do that again.
Whatever method you used, you would have arrived at the same conclusion-of course Lincoln can beat a couple of fish goons. What's wrong with you, sir/madam? Didn't you read about him taking on that giant badger? He beat that quite handily, and I'd wager that was a damn sight tougher than any fish goons with tommy guns. Seriously. You people should have some more faith.
Anyway, after catching the bullets in Stovey, throwing their weapons away and laying the smackdown on one of the goons, Abe held the other up by the lapels and asked him, very politely, what exactly he thought he was doing by wrecking all these ships. Hey, I used passive voice!
"Well geeze, I dunno," said the maritime mug. "I'm just doing what da boss tells me ta do."
"Then how about this?" Lincoln replied, tightening his hold. "What are you doing with the ships once you've sunk them?"
"Oh, dat's easy," the goon smiled. "We strips thems of dere metal and gives it to da boss for his big battle submarine what he's gonna use to hold up all da banks of da woild."
"Diabolical!" Lincoln smacked his fist, which had the unfortunate effect of smacking the fish mobster too. "This won't stand. I demand you take me to visit your boss at once."
"Hey, whoa dere," the fish goon protested. "I ain't no stoolie, bub. Why should I take ya's to see da boss?"
"If you don't, then I'll do to you what I did to your friend over there."
The goon gulped. Having been spared the details, you won't know how badly beaten up the other guy was, but rest assured, it was pretty brutal. "OK, I'l show ya, I'll show ya! Just don't hoit me."
After grabbing a scuba diving outfit, Lincoln followed his reluctant companion to the very depths of the ocean floor itself, arriving at a building that tried its best to look nonchalant, a move that was doomed to fail as it was doomed to stick out against the nothingness of anything else.
The goon knocked on the door, causing a metal section to be slid back.
"Yes?" came a gruff voice.
"Pone sent me," said the goon, and the door opened up to reveal a fishy bouncer. His eyes widened upon seeing Lincoln, who promptly punched him in the head.
"You can run along now, son," said Abe, cracking his knuckles. "If you thought what I did to your friend was bad, you're not going to like this one bit. And take my advice-say no to organised crime."
"Ye-yeah, su-sure thing mac," stuttered the goon as Lincoln took his first steps inside the horror that was the subaquatic speakeasy of...Aqua Pone!
And that was the best pun I could think of.
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