Lincoln blazed through the sky with the red glare of a rocket, which was an impressive feat considering he was wearing black. What was perhaps more impressive was that Stovey was conquering the G-forces and staying quite neatly on his head. What some may consider even more impressive than that was that he (Abe, not Stovey) was heading in a straight line for Detroit, without the aid of any GPS equipment, maps or any idea of what he was doing. I leave you to make your own judgements on what you find impressive. It’s not my place to say.
Mind you, it would not have been difficult to spot Detroit. Abe didn’t know much about this crazy future world, but he figured it wasn’t a usual occurrence for cities to have dark red skies, piles of concrete rubble and the unmistakeable sound of wild badger emanating from them. A big sign saying ‘Welcome to Detroit’ was also a huge tipoff.
Lincoln landed in the centre of what looked like a battlefield. All around him he could see the ruins of what must have once been a great city. Now it was nothing but war-torn buildings, ravaged roads and large holes in the ground.
Large holes in the ground? For some reason, that felt strangely relevant to Lincoln. What was it about holes in the ground that might be connected to his reason for being there? He rubbed his beard in thought, but before he could say ‘Wait, I know, the badger people’, a platoon of badger soldiers stormed out from one of the holes and surrounded him.
“Wait, I know, the badger people!” he cried, but sadly, as already alluded to, it was too late. The assembled badger men had their specially-designed weapons pointed straight at him.
“Halt!” growled the badger in charge of the platoon. “Who goes there? How dare you invade badger territory?”
“More like badger terror-tory!” Lincoln raised a fist. “What have you melodious melinae done to this fine city? You’re ruining the landscape and causing all sorts of problems.”
“Oh, looks like we have us a human troublemaker,” the badger snarled wickedly. “I just love catching human troublemakers. Especially ones that can’t distinguish between a taxideinae and a melinae.”
“Yeah,” another badger snorted. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”
Lincoln frowned. “I may not know much about identifying sub-species of badger…”
At the speed of thought, he delivered a roundhouse kick that smacked the entire platoon onto the floor.
“…But I know how to beat them up,” he finished.
“How…how is that possible?” the badger squadron leader gasped in astonishment. “Our files said nothing about humans being capable of that!”
“Your files say nothing about a lot of stuff. Including that we humans don’t take kindly to invading species trying to push us around.”
“You…you just wait until our ruler hears about this!” the badger man scrambled back towards the hole. Lincoln let him go-it might be to his advantage for the badger king to come to him, saving him valuable shoe leather. In the meantime, he could be using this opportunity to free some slaves. That’s what Lincolns did best! Well, that and suspend habeas corpus, but now wasn’t the time to go into that.
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