Obviously it would take more than strength to defeat this monster of a beast. If he couldn’t best him in punches, he’d best him in…mind punches! Or, as they are alternatively known, ideas!
Lincoln zoomed round the creature, jumping over the swinging limbs that Ranko flailed around in an attempt to catch our hero. Hopping onto Ranko’s back, he climbed up towards the neck, and with a mighty tug, pulled at the monster’s fur.
“RANKOOOOOOO!” the beast cried out in pain, trying to dig its claws into Lincoln. But the emancipating escape artist was too quick to be caught that way, and easily avoided the large paws. Unfortunately for Ranko, this meant he felt the stinging cut of his own claws, causing him to howl and stumble in pain. Serves you right, you bullying badger!
This was just the advantage Abe had been waiting for. With an astonishing leap, he delivered a spinning kick to Ranko’s left knee, which as we all know is a giant badger’s biggest weakness. Ranko screamed in alarm, trying to keep his balance…and failing! The giant fell to Earth with a sound not entirely unlike that of a walrus that has fallen from a great height onto some custard.
“Looks like the end of your monster, Badger King,” Abe smirked in triumph.
But to his surprise, the king just laughed. “You really think that was enough to take out Ranko? He’ll be back on his feet any second now, and finish you off for good!”
The atmosphere was tense as the two adversaries watched Ranko, waiting for him to rise up again. Lincoln tensed his fists, ready for action. The Badger King held his sceptre high, trying to look intimidating until his monster could resume the fight. Moments passed, neither side moving, watching in anticipation of Ranko’s return.
“Any second now,” the Badger King reiterated, his smile starting to fall around the edges.
More time passed, neither opponent taking their eyes off the massive badger, just waiting for him to get back on his feet.
“…Yep…any second now…”
“I don’t think he is, you know,” Abe lowered his fists.
“What are you talking about? You dare to doubt the king of the badger people?” the Badger King waved his sceptre angrily.
“Well, it’s just…he’s been down a long time now.”
“He’s a little stunned, I admit, but I assure you he’ll be up and about again in a moment. Ready to finish you off, I might add!”
“Yes, well…I mean, that’s all well and good, but it’s not really useful right now, is it?”
“How do you mean?”
“Just, you know…it’s a little hard to stay ready for battle when your opponent’s unconscious. I think this fight may be over.”
“No, don’t be ridiculous! This fight’s not over, he’s just…taking a breather, that’s all.”
“I’m fairly sure he’s not going to get back up again.”
“He will, he will! Just show a little patience!”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. If he is just feeling a little woozy, I’ll be happy to continue. But I mean, it’s not likely to happen, is it?”
“Of course it will happen!” the Badger King jumped up and down in an amusing display of impotent anger. “Just give him a chance to get up! What’s your hurry? You got an important date you need to keep or something?”
“Look, I’ve been more than generous with this. I could have beaten you up and put an end to your evil reign in the time we’ve been waiting. But I think we need to come to terms with the fact that Ranko is out of the fight!”
As if the poetic irony gods themselves had been listening, that was the exact moment that Ranko came to, with a mighty cry of “RAAAAAAAANKOOOOOOOOO!”
“Aha!” the Badger King shook his sceptre triumphantly. “I told you! Didn’t I tell you? I certainly did! It takes more than a little kick in the knee to take Ranko out a fight! What do you say to that, Badger Stomping Jones?”
Lincoln grimaced again. This was going to be tougher than he thought….more so than he previously had thought it would take!
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