“Now, just stay back, Badger Stomping Jones,” the Badger King spluttered, trying to edge his way back to his set without being noticed. “Let’s not do anything one of us will regret.”
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll regret beating you up,” Lincoln smirked, smacking his fist into his palm.
“You may not, but I surely will. Look, can’t we come to some kind of arrangement? How about I make you a duke? I know how much you humans love being dukes.”
“Actually, there is something you can do for me,” Abe stopped pounding his fist, but continued advancing towards the Badger King.
“Oh, thank you. Name it. Anything! An earldom, a sandwich named after you, a coupon for the fast food restaurant of your choice, anything!”
“Let these people go!”
“Ah, now about that. How about, no, but I do give you a fabulous new car? One specially modified to run in underground burrows? Tempted?”
“No. Let these people go, and restore Detroit to its former glory. Or at least to an adequate state of repair.
“Yeah, um, how about, and just think about this, don’t make a decision too soon, but how about…a boat? A really big boat! Practically new, never used before. There’s not really much need for a boat underground, don’t know why I bothered getting it in the first place really. But you know, being a king, it’s the sort of thing you have to have. But you can have it though, all yours. Deal?”
“No. Allow me to make a counter offer,” Lincoln had made it so close to the Badger King that they were practically kissing, if they were the sort of people who were into homosexual interspecies romance, and what would be wrong with that if they were? I’m open minded like that. “You will let these fine people free, you will repair Detroit to how it was before, and then you will get out of here and not return. Otherwise I will be forced to come back and place my well sized boot into your black and white behind. Deal?”
The Badger King gulped. “Deal.”
“Good,” Abe pulled back and flashed the King a smile. “I’m glad that my untimely demise did not affect my diplomacy skills in any way.”
The Badger King nervously blew on a horn that was around his neck, causing every badger person in the area to look up.
“My people,” he cried, “Our time here is at an end. We have put up a good front, and we should all be very proud of ourselves. Alas, we have been beaten by a superior opponent, yea, one who could even best the might of Ranko, beloved champion of our…anyway,” he continued hastily, as Lincoln gave him a ‘hurry it up or get punched in the face’ gesture, “the point is, everyone has to go back underground now. Oh, and free all the slaves while you’re at it. Gotta go!”
And with that, he scurried away into the ground from which he’d come from. Yah boo, sucks to you Badger King! I hope you enjoyed your little humiliation, ‘cos there’s plenty more where that came from should you misbehave again! Sorry to gloat, but I just hate that guy so much.
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